I’ve been watching alot of Track and Field since the olympics. Why t&f? Track hurts. It hurts like you’re about to die. Even if you’re talented, you have to be insane to keep doing it. (Or have a damn good reason.)

I had a taste of it for 6 years in primary and high school, and it felt so pointless to me. Training sucks balls, it often leaves you wanting to throw up if you’ve done it right. If you can’t feel your legs and you can’t breathe then you know you’re doing it right. Years of work are put in just for half a second. You don’t learn useful skills like music or arts or public speaking like the other kids. So if you don’t end up on the podium then, what was it all for?

Then there’s the matter of competition.

Serious Competition hurts. Losing at chess hurt much more than winning. Especially when you know you had a chance. Especially when you know you didn’t give everything. It hurts even more when you think you gave everything because, what do you have left?


A PhD hurts. Paper rejection is incredibly personal (despite what people tell you). It hurts until you eventually go numb. Depression is a spectre which creeps on you and blows haze over your mind, inducing a cursed cycle of learned helplessness and guilt. Self destructive behaviors build and build and by the time you are forced to ask yourself, is it too late for you to turn things around, it sure feels like it is too late.


But I don’t think any of it compares to Track at the highest level on the world’s biggest stage. I’ve watched the baton drop of the USA women’s 4x100 team in 2016 more than 10 times, and even with the happy ending, it’s still gut wrenching to think about when it happened.

What does dropping the baton for the defending olympic champions mean? It means you were expected to be the very best, but you fked up on what should be due dilligence, and oh btw the whole world is watching.

Now since the title of the video was “How Allyson Felix and Team USA won gold after dropping the baton”, there was a happy ending. But beyond the nice tv editing, let’s just recognise for a hot minute, that a recovery from that kind of disaster could not have been achieved by ordinary minds.

So, don’t mind me while I gush like a teenage fangirl because these women have exceptional attitudes and if we could just learn a tiny bit of it maybe we’d spend less time spiralling because it’s simply not part of the agenda.


In order of appearance (which they raced):

Tianna Bartoletta - highly intelligent and highly self aware. Went through more than her fair share of troubles and was not afraid to be vocal abt them.

If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you will find an excuse.
I didn’t know my why and it showed

Read her blog, read her ebook why you’re not a track star and look at the life she’s built for herself.


Allyson Felix just the greatest - so many successes, so many disappointments. So much character and mental fortitude and CONSISTENCY.

It takes a lot to be consistent, even just to maintain, not even get better. A lot of people don’t see that
I’m just grateful to be here.

Alot of people just see the 11 Olympic medals, they don’t see the 20 years of training and showing up every day. Take nothing for granted, the minimal state of effort SHOULD be hardworking.


English Gardner makes me emotional for her everytime. Everytime she loses or wins on the track you feel so much emotion from her it’s like she bet HER LIFE on this sport. She battled depression and covid to get on the 4x1 in 2021.

You need to restrict your life to the goal you demand

If you’re not sacrificing something and fully committed, then why are you suprised you’re not achieving?


Morolake Akinosun she was left out on the final run, did not make the Olympics in 2021 but still continues to show up.

Everything that we experience, has been experienced before, that includes disappointment, failure and falling short.

Everyone experiences failure you’re not that special so cry over it but just start to deal with it. Give your best, problem-solve, even if you’re not perceived as one of the legends right now, making or “failing” at any one thing does not define you.


Tori Bowie says that the Track saved her life, and if it weren’t for track she would be dead.

Just be patient, and trust the process
I just try to stay in my own head, focus on Tori.

Rewards are sparse, we don’t know whether any of it will pay off. What else can we do other than to set a goal, and then trust and committ to the process to get there? Comparison can drive competitive people crazy if they’re not at the top, to the point where it’s counterproductive. We hear this all the time but it’s another to really internalise that we shouldn’t compare.


Where am I going with all of this? Why am I referencing Professional Track Athletes?

Because they are real, high-performing individuals. They are not motivational speakers or big business CEOs speaking with flowery words and rhetoric, preaching resilience. There are many ways to be inspired to move forward, sometimes we need a little consolation, sometimes tough love, or straight up wake-up call. Personally, right now, I need to channel some Tori Bowie and English Gardner. The most important thing is to realise that feeling motivated is optional, it’s about showing up everyday, i.e., consistency and commitment.


Writer’s note - after I shared this I had a few concerned messages, either telling me I’m too hard on myself, or that I should find purpose and it’s ok to quit the PhD. Immensely grateful for the concerns, first I assure you I’m not being hard on myself, there really is alot of room for work ethic and attitude improvement. Second finding purpose doesn’t really make sense in a 5-6 year program, if it was for family, money, influence, service to humanity, one should probably do something else. I’m just trying to like stay in my lane and execute. I know my reasons for being here and I’m grateful to be here.