I had Jet Junior in April 2023 and graduated in October 2023. I’ve been hesitant to write about it because I didn’t want to play sympathies and seek attention with the baby+PhD card, or make anyone feel bad if they are in the same situation and still working towards graduating. Everyone’s situation is different - can’t emphasise this enough.

I was feeling most hopeful about “Sleep when the baby sleeps”, but it’s extremely well-intended advice which doesn’t happen. All things considered, I think the number of effective working hours ranges from 0.5 to 2 hours a day. 2 hours is trying hard, and 3 hours would be a really amazing day.

Anyway, I’ll not share the rant here. I think that there was a fair bit of intentionality on shaping my circumstances, but ultimately I was extremely fortunate to have:

  1. A supportive advisor. Kevin gave me two months maternity and did not place any additional pressure on me.

  2. Help from my family (especially my father) and older friends. Went back to Singapore (best decision, thanks Alexandra) and did the last 9 months of the PhD remotely. I am thankful for my friends in Baltimore but its a different phase of life.

  3. Improving mental health by outsourcing as much as possible. My life improved significantly after I stopped breastfeeding and could outsource night feeds. Talking in mum support groups treats the symptoms of post-partum depression - I managed to stay out of the groups.

  4. Wrote the thesis and ran 6 projects off one code base. Invested time in tooling, continuous refactoring and code reusability.

  5. Worked on analysis and empirical/experimental projects that I knew how to breakddown the tasks and execute. Not completely satisfied with my PhD because I had to give up working on some algorithmic projects with Jason, but I decided it was no longer feasible and it was more important to complete the program.

  6. Hired a full-time nanny ~1 month before defence; more outsourcing.

  7. Also did I mention Jet? Dude deserves his World’s best dad and husband mug.